Guess what. I finally finished university. Exciting huh? I am excited despite the lack of !!!! I am going to Cuba to celebrate. Until then I will be taking naps and watching hilarious episodes of Community.
Congratulations! You’re apparently done university! I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked, there were still a few weeks left of class, with exams as the cherry on top! I’m not sayin’ that you’re a liar – if you are, then for the love of god do something about the FIRE ON YOUR PANTS – but it seems slightly unlikely that you’d be done with classes this quickly!
But hey, this very well could be the one thing that people would want to come prematurely. Y’know, put in the hard labour, get the learning out of the way, then lay in bed lazily afterward, exhausted. If you speak the truth, then my gosh, did you get lucky or what?
One thing I do feel I should note: assuming you’re a student at the University of Waterloo (I mean this is for a column at UW), you’d know for a fact that you have to pass something called the ELPE. Y’know, something something proficient at the English language something. I don’t want to lecture you too thoroughly about your English usage – after all, my column’s name includes the word “superfantastic” – but there are only so many errors that one can overlook.
“Guess what” is an ineffective statement, as it should be worded as a question, and if you truly wanted me to guess, you’d have given me some time to guess! Put in a line break or something! Furthermore, what exactly is a “lack of !!!!” supposed to refer to? My best guess is that your sentence refers to a lack of the band “!!!” followed by an exclamation mark, but I’m not sure how many people listen to a band that is staggeringly difficult to look up on Google. Otherwise, I can’t think of any explanation for “!!!!” – maybe there are no exclamation marks in Cuba? Shame on you, Mr. Castro.
However, nitpicking at your one sentence doesn’t change the fact that you’re done university! Chances are, you turned on the good grammar just for the ELPE. I don’t know about the full extent of your post-graduate plans – maybe napping and watching Community is indeed a valid career path – but hey, at least you’ve got some semblance of a plan! Planning is important, and I know this to be fact because the University of Waterloo has a program dedicated to planning!
Thus, with a reasonably sound plan in place, if you can carry it out successfully, I daresay you might be on track for a good time! Judging from statistics derived from both students and old people, naps are good for you and frequently taken! That alone is worth a high five, though if I tried to high five you while napping, it might just look like assault.
Regardless, congratulations on finishing university! I hope you enjoy your hopefully-well-planned-out trip in Cuba. Keep your composure, don’t lose control of the situation, and keep your head in the game – but if for some reason you make a mistake, then for the love of god do something about the FIRE IN YOUR PANTS.
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Posted by ronroninabox